The Evil Lord

I was thinking today about someone I try to keep off my mind, Tom Cruise. We all know he's an okay actor who's appeal has been long forgotten since his descent further into the closet, er...Katie Holmes? Anydangway, I think I may have discovered why Tom acts the way he does. It lies in his affiliation with Scientology, but not in the way you think.
Perhaps Tom Cruise is the evil lord Zenu that the Scientologists fear so much.The evil lord Zenu was an evil galactic emperor that apparently dropped a bunch of aliens into the volcanoes of a primordial Earth, then the souls of these aliens were caught by giant soul catchers which then transferred them to soul brainwashing centers, then they were unleashed upon early man. And these aliens, called "Thetans" are what give you ALL OF YOUR WORRIES AND TROUBLES. So back to my point, Tom Cruise: Evil Lord Zenu in disguise, as part of a fiendish plot to destroy scientology by making it look like a "fake religion" for scamming "borderline retarded" celebrities. Oh he is a sly one that Zenu