Simple Creatures
I do not know why, but some women insist on believing that men are as complicated as they are. Can someone ring the Jeopardy "I'm sorry you're wrong fuck-face" buzzer? Men are not in the least bit complicated. Figure out one, you've figured 'em all out.
For instance: A close friend of mine has moved in with his girlfriend and decorating is always a bit of a struggle for a couple just starting out on there own. What she failed to grasp is that men will never have any opinion about home decorations until they hate it. You can ask us all you want about what colors we would like the curtains to be, and we will never have an opinion. Why? We don't care. It is as simple as that. If it looks like shit, we'll try and tell you. If it gets complicated from there, it's because we don't want to insult you and lose the possibility of sex that night. If you want to bring him along whilst you pick these things out, expect him to get bored and stare at other women. Why? Cause our penis never turns off. It's got nothing to do with you, she was wearing a short skirt and our penis would have shrank an inch if we didn't look out of principle.
When it comes down to men and our feelings, it is all about feeding. Three parts of a man always have to be fed and satisfied.
-His Stomach: Easy, we like food. If we are hungry feed us. Hell, often we'll even do it ourselves.
-His Libido: Possibly the most obvious. As Dane Cook so astutely put it, not the only thing that is important to us, but it is a cornerstone of our being. It is our basic impulse to shoot off some baby juice once in a while. If you aren't providing us with a venue, or we're bored with you, or if simply someone else offers, we will go to others to satisfy our primal urges.
-His Ego: Every once in a while a man has got to do something that reaffirms his mythical idea of how big his penis is. As women it is your job to occasionally facilitate this process. If you emasculate us earlier in the day by either making us say I love you in public, or using a little nick name you made up for us in front of our friends, do something to let us feel like we're in charge. All it takes is something simple like feigning like you are too weak to pick up and or open something. Perhaps make a rhetorical comment about a woman you would go Bi for. It could be total shit, but in our mind it won't be. In our mind we will be the man with the six foot cock satisfying his girlfriend and Angelina Jolie or maybe even that chick form Lost as well.
I was asked by a female friend of mine about our apparent lack of emotion. The easy answer is this. We do have emotions and we do feel them. We just choose to ignore them. That is how we commit much of our douche-baggery without flinching. Men are taught from example by other men and through ridicule, that we cannot express our emotions. The easiest way for us to avoid expressing these emotions is to not feel them ourselves. Say we lose our job and our grandpa turns out to be a hiding Nazi war criminal. It is more socially acceptable amongst men to go on a binge drinking, whore banging bonanza for a week rather than cry for five minutes about it. We're afraid our dick would just pack it's balls and leave.
For instance: A close friend of mine has moved in with his girlfriend and decorating is always a bit of a struggle for a couple just starting out on there own. What she failed to grasp is that men will never have any opinion about home decorations until they hate it. You can ask us all you want about what colors we would like the curtains to be, and we will never have an opinion. Why? We don't care. It is as simple as that. If it looks like shit, we'll try and tell you. If it gets complicated from there, it's because we don't want to insult you and lose the possibility of sex that night. If you want to bring him along whilst you pick these things out, expect him to get bored and stare at other women. Why? Cause our penis never turns off. It's got nothing to do with you, she was wearing a short skirt and our penis would have shrank an inch if we didn't look out of principle.
When it comes down to men and our feelings, it is all about feeding. Three parts of a man always have to be fed and satisfied.
-His Stomach: Easy, we like food. If we are hungry feed us. Hell, often we'll even do it ourselves.
-His Libido: Possibly the most obvious. As Dane Cook so astutely put it, not the only thing that is important to us, but it is a cornerstone of our being. It is our basic impulse to shoot off some baby juice once in a while. If you aren't providing us with a venue, or we're bored with you, or if simply someone else offers, we will go to others to satisfy our primal urges.
-His Ego: Every once in a while a man has got to do something that reaffirms his mythical idea of how big his penis is. As women it is your job to occasionally facilitate this process. If you emasculate us earlier in the day by either making us say I love you in public, or using a little nick name you made up for us in front of our friends, do something to let us feel like we're in charge. All it takes is something simple like feigning like you are too weak to pick up and or open something. Perhaps make a rhetorical comment about a woman you would go Bi for. It could be total shit, but in our mind it won't be. In our mind we will be the man with the six foot cock satisfying his girlfriend and Angelina Jolie or maybe even that chick form Lost as well.
I was asked by a female friend of mine about our apparent lack of emotion. The easy answer is this. We do have emotions and we do feel them. We just choose to ignore them. That is how we commit much of our douche-baggery without flinching. Men are taught from example by other men and through ridicule, that we cannot express our emotions. The easiest way for us to avoid expressing these emotions is to not feel them ourselves. Say we lose our job and our grandpa turns out to be a hiding Nazi war criminal. It is more socially acceptable amongst men to go on a binge drinking, whore banging bonanza for a week rather than cry for five minutes about it. We're afraid our dick would just pack it's balls and leave.
posted by Willy all mighty at 12:06 AM
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